you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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