The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
