I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
