She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Randomize
