Fine. I'll sleep in my office
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
