I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
its not stalking. its research.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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