Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
