the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
whose ass print is on the piano?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
