the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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