4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
