You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
