More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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