I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I supernannyed him into submission
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
