you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
