Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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