I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
this hospital has no fireball
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You ruined the universe
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
