bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I wear drunk well.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
