dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
