so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
