Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
