Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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