she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
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So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
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Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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