I wish I only lived at night.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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