my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
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My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
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Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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