She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize