My boss' voice literally gives me gas
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
