John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
