Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
