I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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