you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
