btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
