why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
