Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
