I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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