I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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