So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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