i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Its about making memories worth repressing
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
