I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Randomize
