took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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