I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
