I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
