My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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