what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
