i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
