Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
look no pants
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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