They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
