Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
