Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
