O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
