Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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