with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
