i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
