best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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