Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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