she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
