Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
