So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
