So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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