I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
