Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
