I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
