I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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