I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
