Umm I'm too high to move.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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