Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
