insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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