I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
