Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
