The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
