Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
