You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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